I awoke this morning in a very odd mood. Thinking about the friends I've had and some who I still consider friends.
I met "the musician" on a singles site. We had many interests in common, and talked for awhile before we decided to meet. I respected that he is an Eagle scout (a plus on any man's resume), similar political views, one of the most positive attitudes I've known. A very interesting sense of humor . He refuses to give in to physical challenges, and is one of the least handicapped men I have ever known (I include athletes and normal walking around people). He is very encouraging when I talk about needing to exercise and build muscle. There is one but - I've always thought it was because he was not interested in anything other than friendship- he is not emotionally truthful. The first time we went out, we made out in the parking lot of the restaurant we'd gone to. yet when we went to a basketball game or when I went over to his house for dinner and a movie, he turned away from kissing me. No explanation. After other such instances I decided he does not explain himself if emotions are involved. Seems I'm just supposed to "know". NOT..
And then there is Hizzoner. This one is even more confusing. We've talked several hours per week for a long time. When we met, he had plans to go out of state for a post-grad course of study, yet postponed it for 2 years. When we first went out to brunch, he said he wanted to wake up next to me, and other such things. He has always allowed me to feel good about myself, and he has also told me he doesn't want to marry. He says he will be coming back (yes I did ask), yet makes no concrete plans to do so. We've exchanged Christmas and birthday presents, and I do forward some mail to the place where he currently resides. He's used the "L" word yet seems to appear detached and vague, Hizzoner is very thoughtful in many ways yet is not emotionally honest about what he wants from me.
The result is that I don't believe either one wants more than friendship. I'll be a friend, but refuse to be "the other woman" for either of them. Both are keepers, perfect as friends. Maybe I just want friends for now